Yikes, it's been nothing but vampires with me lately. It's like they're following me. First aliens, now vampires. Why me? Will I never have peace?
You've probably seen this story floating around the internet since it is rather eye-catching. I mean, when you read a headline like, "Nicolas Cage: I'm Not a Vampire," you kind of have to do a double-take. You mean there's nothing more pressing going on in the world? Don't worry about the American debt crisis, y'all. Nicolas Cage is not a vampire!
The mass hysteria is due to an old picture surfacing, featuring a man from the 1800's who bears a striking resemblence to Nick Cage. But don't photographers have trouble capturing vampires on flim?
Jack Mord is apparently the individual who came up with this theory. With a name like Mord, I would be worried about my own living status. Mord sounds a lot like "Mort" which is close to "Morte" which means death! Am I the only one seeing this? This needs closer scrutiny!
This is what Jack Mord himself says about his hypothesis: "My theory is that he allows himself to age to a certain point, maybe 70, 80 or so, then the actor 'Nicolas Cage' will 'die,' But in reality, the undead vampire 'Nicolas Cage' will have rejuvenated." If I am correct, I think Cage did own a castle in Europe. Sadly he had to sell it because of money issues. Dude, who loses a castle?
I'm still not entirely sure if Mord was serious when he put forth his theory, but he must have been, because people are NEVER sarcastic on the internet.
If any actor was a vampire, though, it would probably be him. Nick just seems kinda vampirey to me. Must be the nose, or something. And if it's not Nicolas Cage, it has to be Tom Cruise or John Travolta. Don't you remember that part of vampire lore that talks about vampires all being scientologists? No? Maybe I just made that up. That was merely vicious slander on my part, guys, sorry.
But I am serious when I say that Nicolas Cage is NOT a vampire. You guys can rest easy.
Besides, wouldn't vampires be better actors? Geeze, people.
Thanks for reading!
Z
You've probably seen this story floating around the internet since it is rather eye-catching. I mean, when you read a headline like, "Nicolas Cage: I'm Not a Vampire," you kind of have to do a double-take. You mean there's nothing more pressing going on in the world? Don't worry about the American debt crisis, y'all. Nicolas Cage is not a vampire!
The mass hysteria is due to an old picture surfacing, featuring a man from the 1800's who bears a striking resemblence to Nick Cage. But don't photographers have trouble capturing vampires on flim?
 |
| So apparently Cage has a look-alike from the mid 1800's, and believe or not, he actually looks goofier than the current one. |
This is what Jack Mord himself says about his hypothesis: "My theory is that he allows himself to age to a certain point, maybe 70, 80 or so, then the actor 'Nicolas Cage' will 'die,' But in reality, the undead vampire 'Nicolas Cage' will have rejuvenated." If I am correct, I think Cage did own a castle in Europe. Sadly he had to sell it because of money issues. Dude, who loses a castle?
I'm still not entirely sure if Mord was serious when he put forth his theory, but he must have been, because people are NEVER sarcastic on the internet.
If any actor was a vampire, though, it would probably be him. Nick just seems kinda vampirey to me. Must be the nose, or something. And if it's not Nicolas Cage, it has to be Tom Cruise or John Travolta. Don't you remember that part of vampire lore that talks about vampires all being scientologists? No? Maybe I just made that up. That was merely vicious slander on my part, guys, sorry.
But I am serious when I say that Nicolas Cage is NOT a vampire. You guys can rest easy.
Besides, wouldn't vampires be better actors? Geeze, people.
Thanks for reading!
Z
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