What is Goth? 2. The Music of the Goth Scene

This is the second part of a series I plan on doing about what the gothic subculture is. I'm writing this for other kids who, if you're like I was, are curious about the subculture, but didn't know how to go about looking into it. I'm also writing this for curious or concerned friends and family of said kids. Those of you who are already goths can read it with nostalgia and judge whether or not you want to take my Goth Card.

If you haven't seen it already, read this person's explanation of the goth scene. It's almost exactly how I feel about it, though expressed in a hilariously grumpy fashion. For the more sensitive of my readers, there is some language, so be warned.

Also be warned that this is going to be a loooooooooooooong post. But it's my 10th article, so BOOYAH FOR ME!

What is a goth? Put simply, it's a person who likes gothic music and dresses with a dark aesthetic. There have always been people who wear a lot of black and favor the gloomier side of art and expression, but a name was finally given to this species sometime in the late 70's or early 80's when a bunch of post-punk musical groups started dressing in black and writing songs with a super dark flavor. Most of them detested being slapped with the "goth" label, but they still remain the ultimate favorites of the subculture to this day, and seem incapable of escaping it. Too bad for them, people love them.

Rock on and completely ignore that
dude in the green shirt!

Goth music is a huge genre that is peppered liberally with many little sub-genres, not to mention other kinds of dark music which many goths are fond of. There are, however, a few main bands that you need to be aware of if you want to keep your Goth Card.
The Big Daddies of Goth Rock are probably Siouxsie and the Banshees, Clan of Xymox, the Sisters of Mercy, Joy Division, Bauhaus, Alien Sex Fiend, Christian Death, and Specimen, just to name a few. There is a highly irritating, raging debate going on within the scene over what constitutes a real modern goth band. Personally, I classify whatever "darkwave" is as goth music. If you are a goth music afficianado, you may disagree, but I'm keeping my Goth Card anyway, thank you very much. Like I said, there's a raging debate.

Everyone seems to agree about the previously-mentioned bands being the foundation of the musical genre, though, so let's get into the rest of it. What can you find in the wide world of goth music?

Medieval, Celtic, and inspired by the Old World
Acts like Dead Can Dance are pretty popular with goths because of the lamenting, haunting, ancient sound. We all like to secretly pretend we're 2000-year-old lovelorn vampires, so of course this kind of thing is going to be very much liked. Loreena McKennitt is another popular songstress of this type, (as well as one of my personal favorites!) who writes beautiful music based on morbid poetry, her world travels, and Celtic culture. This tends to be pretty parent-friendly stuff, though the Old Man has made a few snarky comments about my "Arab music." Siouxsie and the Banshees, though more of a punk-goth group, obviously get a lot of inspiration from Old World aesthetic, what with Budgie's tribal drumming and Siouxsie sometimes resembling an ancient Egyptian queen. A lot of goth bands in general fancy the Old World flavor. Check out Faith and the Muse for another classic.
On a similar note, (Note. Get it? Hahaha! ...Wut?) goth music also shows a lot of Classical influence. Artists like Emilie Autumn love their harpsichords and violins, Bachs and Beethovens. And who can blame them? Those guys were frigging geniuses and wrote music that doubtless spoke to many a melancholy soul.

Siouxsie Sioux, a goth music godess to be
worshipped at the Alter of Eyeliner

Punk
Punk is more or less the angry elder brother of goth, or possibly the parent. Most of the original goth bands were vomited straight out of the punk movement, but were too dark and too sad to fit within it. Besides, at the time, punk was sort of dying off, and goth was slowly gaining in popularity. The punk spinoffs, I think, are referred to as "deathrock" bands. You get things like Christian Death and Alien Sex Fiend that have the harsh, jangly punk sound, but they wax a little more lacrimosa.

Those groups that use a lot of bass and scary vocals
One might argue that this is what goth music basically is, but bands like Fields of the Nephilim and the Sisters of Mercy are some classic examples of this. Besides, a lot of goth music includes some very pretty voices, Loreena McKennitt being one. But it's true that many of these groups sound like they're being fronted by vampires who have spent too much time in their coffins. The effect can be quite sexy, if you're into that sort of thing. Bass guitar is another staple in the goth genre...And that's really all there is to say about it. 

Adrian Hates is creeping on you

Industrial plus all that electronic crap
Hey, I'm quite fond of oontz-oontz music! This seems to be the most common trend in goth music these days. You have the harsh and heavy throbbing beats of industrial, found in bands like Front Line Assembly, and the more fluid, contemplative sounds of electronic darkwave bands like Mind.in.a.Box and Covenant. Industrial is not necessarily goth and neither is electronica (do NOT mention Deadmau5, I will eat you) and some people would prefer to think that these genres don't exist at all, but they do. And my personal opinion is that some of these acts are quite gothic indeed. If you replace the beeps and boops with jangly guitars and synthesized ambient sounds, you get the same thing. The lyrics are often dark or introspective, and the tunes are low-key. Industrial is what you get if you blend metal and electronica with post-punk, so there's gonna be a lot of crossover. And if Diary of Dreams is not goth, I am a toad.

Poor Marilyn. Goths don't want him,
metalheads don't want him... But really,
I don't think he cares.

Metal?
No, not really. As with industrial, there is crossover, but metal is not goth and it never will be. It has no similarity whatsoever to the original Big Daddy Bands, and it has its own gargantuan genre to deal with. That doesn't mean goths don't like metal, though. I am hugely fond of metal, as are many others. For metal bands often lumped in with darkwave and goth, take a look at Lacrimosa or Theatres Des Vampires. In the Book of Z, those are definitely goth bands. Again, you may disagree. Marilyn Manson and Alice Cooper are not goth, though. They do not sound goth, they are not goth. Ick. I had to mention both of them in the same sentence. I'm sorry, Alice.

Emo kid would like to show
you his tongue, too.

Emo?
No. Just no. Keep this in mind, guys: Emo is to goth what Twilight is to Dracula. There may be the occasional mutual fondness, but in general, goths want nothing to do with emo, and emos tend to be kind of ignorant about goth. Though emo music is descended from punk like goth is, it is an entirely different animal. The only similarity is the, err...sadness...of the genre and the extensive use of the color black.

Contemporary darkwave, or Goth Music Today
What has goth music evolved into? In many ways goth music has become even more over-the-top and gothy than ever. There are a lot of groups that still resemble the original bands, but they've been updated and blend the cantillions of sub-genres found within the scene. In general, the sound of goth music now is well represented by Cruxshadows, Blutengel, London After Midnight, Clan of Xymox, and many more.

Clan of Xymox

Is goth music safe for my child?!?!
Well, that really depends on the band. Some artists are clean, and others can be quite explicit, just as with every other musical genre. I would certainly rather my child listen to goth music than rap, or even Lady Gaga or Katy Perry, but it's still going to depend on the band. Industrial tends to be nastier, but not always. Most Siouxsie and the Banshees albums are clean, though I say MOST. Even then, they keep explicit language to a minimum. You're best off avoiding bands with names like Alien Sex Fiend, obviously, but the only way to know for sure is to do some research on it. It all boils down to the band, the maturity level of your child and your personal family values. Even though I believe totally in the power of music, I like to give kids more credit than to think they're going to go off on a mass killing-spree because they heard a Bauhaus song. If you think your child is that stupid and that easily swayed, by all means, keep them away from the stuff. Messages in the music vary, too. Cruxshadows is incredibly positive, while Blutengel can be kind of a downer. Nobody I know of actually promotes self-harm unless they're doing it in a tongue-in-cheek fashion. Use your own discernment and think for yourselves, folks.

Peter Murphy, former frontman of Bauhaus, now a fab solo act.
Also my husband. Yep.

In the end, what is goth music all about?
Why, THE END, of course! MUAHAHAHAHAHAA!
Kidding.
There is nothing necessarily "deep" about goth music as a whole, but it is different. Depending on the band, it usually covers a variety of topics, from love to death to ancient myth. It's certainly a more introspective and varied genre than most top-40 pop stuff, but like every other musical act, there can be moments of vapid silliness as well. Goth music is notorious from being melodramatic and over-the-top, and sometimes it's just downright strange. Can it be pretentious? At its worst, heck yes. Can it be totally awesome, though? Absolutely! There are so many different kinds of goth music that you're almost sure to find something you like, whether you're goth or not. You probably already have some gothy group on your iPod as we speak. Depeche Mode, the Cure, Gary Numan...Yep, all favorites in the scene. Again, the music follows the dark, romantic, and slightly twisted gothic aesthetic. For me, this was the first musical genre that really excited me and "spoke" to my heart, as nerdy as that sounds. It is truly my musical home.

Once again, I'm sending you off to Amy's Stripy Tights blog for better-informed reading on the subject, or if you're just sick of my blathering. Besides, this article doesn't even begin to cover the copius acts that could be called "goth."

Thanks for reading!
Z

Wuthering Heights Insanity

Yes, I know the title of this post is a bit redundant.

Dude, I LOVE Wuthering Heights. It's, like, my favorite book. One of my favorite books. It's so beautiful and horrible and twisted and tragic and...! And! And!
So this being the day after Valentine's, I'm going to devote this entire post to Emiy Bronte's Wuthering Heights.


What's it about?
Heathcliff is a wretched little foundling boy brought up by the rich-but-crazy Earnshaw family at Wuthering Heights. He and Cathy Earnshaw are soul-mates almost right off the bat, but stuff happens and they proceed to drive each other and everybody around them crazy.

Honestly I have no idea why I like this book. The protagonists are mostly horrible people. Heathcliff might very well be pure evil, and Cathy is just nuts. The only sane person in the story is Nellie, the housemaid and narrator of the book. Even the unfortunate "normal" neighbors of the Earnshaws, the Lintons, do dumb crap, like marry into the Wuthering Heights crowd.

Maybe that's why I like it. Like Interview With the Vampire, you get an unapologetic but sympathetic account of some nasty, pathetic people trying to figure out how to live their lives. Sure, it's romantic and fun, but it's also dark and twisted and it mirrors reality just enough to feel connection to the characters. There is lots of intrigue, everyone manipulating everyone else, and lots of sadistic mind-games going on here.

There's also a doozy of a love-triangle. Edgar Linton, classic Nice Guy, loves Cathy for some unearthly reason. Heathcliff is definitely NOT a nice guy, but he loves Cathy, too, and to be fair, he saw her first. Cathy loves Heathcliff with a burning passion of burningness, but she loves Edgar's money and affable temperament. The story consists mainly of Heathcliffe and Edgar duking it out over Cathy, Cathy being a nutjob, Heathcliff wreaking revenge upon everyone who ever got on his bad side (almost the whole cast of the story), and the children of the main characters having to suffer for their insane parents' wrongdoings.

The setting is most intriguing. Two big houses on the wild moors! Two screwed-up families! Passion and bodice-ripping abound! Ghosts and corpses! Tragic love! A Byronic hero! Oh my gosh, it's gothic fiction at its most gothic!


My favorite film adaption?

The happy couple

Actually, the only movie version I've seen so far is the 2009 Masterpiece Theater TV production with Tom Hardy, but it's most excellent. It may not follow the book exactly, but it completely and utterly captures the spirit of the original story, has some great acting and scenery, and it also goes into the second generation of characters, which really completes the saga. It has time to explore more than most film versions because it's a two-part show and runs a little bit under three hours.

Tom Hardy, though a lot paler than Heathcliff is described in the book, is fantastic in the role. Nasty but sympathetic, beautiful but vicious, he's just about perfect. He's a brooding, skulking manipulator. And he is very pretty. Oh yes.

Charlotte Riley is hotblooded and suitably neurotic as Cathy. She's got great chemistry with everyone, especially Hardy, and has a wonderfully kooky spark in her eye that is both charming and alarming.

Andrew Lincoln as Edgar is sweet and pathetic, and you can't help but feel for the guy. He wanders into a total mess of a family and gets himself tangled up in its sordid affairs. The actor has just enough backbone but is also just enough of a wimp to be an interesting rival. You're pretty sure Heath could eat him alive, but you have to give him credit for standing up to him.

My biggest problem with the Masterpiece version is the makeup. A lot of the characters age about 20 years in the story, but not much was done with makeup to make them look older. Heathcliff got some gray in his hair, but that was about it. Nellie especially should've had more wrinkles, white hair, or something, since she's around the longest.

But overall, it's a great example of how to adapt a book to the screen, and a good movie. The ending is highly satisfying, and there are several moments that make me cry buckets.

*BROODBROODBROOD*

My movie-snob rating: ****
My personal rating: *****

I'd like to see the black and white verson with Laurence Olivier. The 1992 movie with Ralph Fiennes looks silly, though. Too bad, because I'm rather fond of Fiennes. Eh, I'll give it a shot sometime.

Heathcliff?

Then there's that...SONG...
Wuthering Heights by Kate Bush. I know a lot of people really love Kate Bush, and I know a lot of people love this song...Heck, I like the song...But...
Admit it, folks. Kate Bush sings like she's on helium. And that video of her in the red dress is just...Odd. Kate Bush herself is...Odd. A talented songwriter for sure, but weirder than Lady Gaga could ever dream of being. And she sounds like she's on helium. Tell me that voice didn't throw you off the first time you heard it. Go ahead and tell me!

Nevertheless, her Wuthering Heights song grew on me because I just love the story so much, and it's a catchy tune. I would wish for something a little more tragic and plaintive-sounding, but for what it is, it's a good song.

Kate Bush still sounds like she's on helium.

Wait, there's more!
Apparently, there is a Wuthering Heights opera that was written by the composer of classic creepy filmscores himself, Bernard Herrmann! If you don't know who he is, he did the music for a lot of Alfred Hitchcock's movies, like Vertigo, Psycho, and others. He also did the music for the original Day the Earth Stood Still (do not bother with the remake, it sucks toast) and another gothic classic, the Ghost and Mrs. Muir. I'll have to do reviews on those, sometime, because they are movies that any spooky movie buff (or any movie buff at all) should not live without!

I don't know much about this opera other than that I need to look into it, but now you know. And knowing is half the battle.
Thanks for reading, lovelies and gents!

Eureka! I Don't Have to Like Bauhaus!

Amy, awesome writer of what was formerly the Ultimate Goth Guide, has written an article about something that will allow uncomfortable gothlings everywhere to rejoice with happiness!

Nobody does goth like the Germans. 

Leave it to the Germans to come up with an all-encompassing term for dark culture. The Schwarze Szene is basically everything most goths like anyway, but it includes stuff that isn't necessarily "goth" on its own. Personally, I think we goths ought to get over ourselves and stop worrying about what fits in the scene and what doesn't. Sometimes I feel like giving people this litmus test: You like Siouxsie Sioux? You like wearing black? You like reading morbid poetry? Cool. You're goth.

Stop worrying. You're your own unique person and you're not going to be the "perfect goth," whatever that is. If you aren't a "real" goth, then who really cares? But worry not, not-real-goths! You have a scene name of your very own, now. You fit neatly into a subcultural box. Don't worry, it's human nature to want to fit under a label, and even the so-called counter-culture crowd wants one. Why would it cause so much debate in the goth scene if we honestly didn't care?

(BTW, I just noticed there is a spell-check feature on this thing. Hallelujah!)

So, the Schwarze Szene. What is it? In a nutshell, it's dark culture. It includes medieval, industrial, fetish, gothic, metal, and other lovely things of a delightfully dark and depressing nature. Booyah, you are now allowed to speak to metalheads! Thank goodness. My best friends are metalheads. I myself am a casual metalhead.

Glad that's all cleared up.

In the meantime, I will continue to make fun of posers and listen to Bauhaus. OOOOOOOOOHHHHHH BEEEELAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaa....

Just so You're Aware...

Yikes, it's been nothing but vampires with me lately. It's like they're following me. First aliens, now vampires. Why me? Will I never have peace?

You've probably seen this story floating around the internet since it is rather eye-catching. I mean, when you read a headline like, "Nicolas Cage: I'm Not a Vampire," you kind of have to do a double-take. You mean there's nothing more pressing going on in the world? Don't worry about the American debt crisis, y'all. Nicolas Cage is not a vampire!

The mass hysteria is due to an old picture surfacing, featuring a man from the 1800's who bears a striking resemblence to Nick Cage. But don't photographers have trouble capturing vampires on flim?

So apparently Cage has a look-alike from the mid 1800's, and
believe or not, he actually looks goofier than the current one.

Jack Mord is apparently the individual who came up with this theory. With a name like Mord, I would be worried about my own living status. Mord sounds a lot like "Mort" which is close to "Morte" which means death! Am I the only one seeing this? This needs closer scrutiny!

This is what Jack Mord himself says about his hypothesis: "My theory is that he allows himself to age to a certain point, maybe 70, 80 or so, then the actor 'Nicolas Cage' will 'die,' But in reality, the undead vampire 'Nicolas Cage' will have rejuvenated." If I am correct, I think Cage did own a castle in Europe. Sadly he had to sell it because of money issues. Dude, who loses a castle?

I'm still not entirely sure if Mord was serious when he put forth his theory, but he must have been, because people are NEVER sarcastic on the internet.

If any actor was a vampire, though, it would probably be him. Nick just seems kinda vampirey to me. Must be the nose, or something. And if it's not Nicolas Cage, it has to be Tom Cruise or John Travolta. Don't you remember that part of vampire lore that talks about vampires all being scientologists? No? Maybe I just made that up. That was merely vicious slander on my part, guys, sorry.
But I am serious when I say that Nicolas Cage is NOT a vampire. You guys can rest easy.

Besides, wouldn't vampires be better actors? Geeze, people.

Thanks for reading!
Z

1. So...What exactly IS Goth?

This is the first part of a series I plan on doing about what the gothic subculture is. I'm writing this for other kids who, if you're like I was, are curious about the subculture, but didn't know how to go about looking into it.  I'm also writing this for curious or concerned friends and family of said kids. Those of you who are already goths can read it with nostalgia and judge whether or not you want to take my Goth Card.

So what is goth? This is a question that I get asked on occasion, but not nearly as much as I would like. I really wish I could educate more people on what the gothic lifestyle entails, and more importantly, what it DOESN'T.

Goth: Whatever it is, ur doin it rong

Goth is not Marilyn Manson, Satanism, Hot Topic, devil-worship of any kind, the glorification of suicide or self-harm, emo, evil, a cult, the occult, a religion, sexual deviance, unhappiness, parent-hating, people-hating, or an ancient European people who sacked Rome.
You got that? Good. Now that we've got that out of the way, it's talk about what goth is.

Goth is a little bit hard to pin down since so many different kinds of people can be found within the subculture. You have people all up and down the spectrum from your goody-two-shoes Christian girls like me to the more wild'n'crazy types, to, yes, even Satanists. It's not about what we're like individually, though as much as what we have in common. What do goths have in common?

Big Frigging Rings is what we have in common, yo.
Show 'em how it's done, honey.

- A knowledge and love for the gothic musical genre which includes bands like Bauhaus, Sisters of Mercy, Siouxsie and the Banshees. These are the "real" goth bands that surfaced in the late 70's and 80's when the movement took shape and reared its spooky head from the ashes of the punk scene. The gothic music umbrella is...HUGE. There are the trad bands like I previously mentioned, but then there are a bazillion little subgenres of goth music. There is also a lot of arguing back and forth amongst goths over what makes a real goth band, but it is widely agreed that the foundation is with Joy Division, Siouxsie and the Banshees, Sisters of Mercy, Bauhaus, The Cure, and the like.

-A love for the fashion and style. Victorian? Punk? Steampunk? Futuristic? Elizabethan? Lolita? Vampire? Faery? Fetish? Just lots and lots of black? Well, as long as it has a touch of the morbid, the Old World, or the eerie, it's all good. Whether we dress this way with tonuges in our cheeks, for shock effect, or merely to look our idea of beautiful, we do our best to do it well. With the exception of some newbie babybats (don't worry, chirruns, you'll get there) most real goths take their fashion seriously and put a LOT of effort into their outfits and makeup. A true goth will cringe in horror at badly-done whiteface, badly-worn Tripp pants, and your typical mallgoth fare that makes most people cringe anyway. However, when it's done right...

Yeah, look me in the eye and tell me that's the ugliest, most evil thing you've ever seen in your life.

-An appreciation for the spooky, the romantic, and morbid. Everything in the gothic subculture has to do with this aesthetic, from the art to the music to the clothting. Aaand...that's really all there is to it. Goths aren't afraid of the dark, but instead choose to either laugh at it or celebrate it. Or, just make a huge deal of mourning the tragedy of this vile world. Or all of the above. No matter how we do it, we have our spooky aesthetic in common and our love for creepy 80's music. (Yeah, yeah, it goes beyond the 80's. details, details.)

The Angst Flower. Never leave home
without one.

That's just the bare bones of what the Gothic Subculture is about, though. Without the music and the fashion, it's a lot of really eccentric (usually very artistic) people from different backgrounds and lives who like dark stuff. Goths are pretty normal in most respects, though. We just choose to be more open about what we like or how we feel. Since I tend wear my heart on my sleeve anyway, this is great for me. Unlike Lady Gaga, I have no poker face. Goths can be the most pretentious, obnoxious people you've ever known, or they can be the most fun-loving, accepting folks on the planet. It just depends on who they are as a person, and it's quite true that the subculture attracts both kinds of people. Just like there are a lot of people who like to scrapbook, there are a lot of people who like being "gothic". There are also gothic scrapbookers.

So that's more or less goth, for all you curious black-clad kids at the mall and for all you worried parents of said black-clad kids. Personally, I consider myself just out of my babybat phase, if out at all. I still have questionable makeup skills and I continue to fail at DIY. I'm still pretty young, but I love my gothy goodness.


Me, HAVING MUCH ANGST AND SADNESS!!!1! So tragic.

For further well-informed reading on the subject, check out one the awesome Ultimate Goth Guide, if you haven't already. She's been doing this WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY longer than I have.

Thanks for reading!
Z

Random Makeup Inspiration and a J-Band

Speaking of vampires, I just happened to discover a lovely gothic model yesterday by the name of Freyja Vampire. Her makeup is AWESOME! One day I will shave my eyebrows. Or bleach them or something. But I really like her look. It's super extreme, elegant, yet scary, which I love. One day when I don't need to look "professional" at work, I swear...The problem with being an artist is sometimes you want to use yourself as the canvas, y'know? A friend of mine says he's waiting for all the baby boomers to die off so dress codes won't be so strict. Haha. Sadly, some of my favorite people in the world are Baby Boomers, so I do hope that doesn't happen too soon. Still. Is purple hair really that offensive?

Kidding aside, here is Freyja's website. Linkage for you: http://freyjavampirex.webs.com/

Ain't she purdy?
Photo is Freyja Vampire's.

So yeah, check her out. I've also been heavily influenced lately by Rooney Mara in the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. I still haven't seen the movie or read the book, but I love this chick's look as well. It's very androdgynous, sparse, and eerie.

Rooney Mara as Lisbeth Salander

Now back to the extreme side of things, let me introduce you to Jack Spooky. He fronts a creepy circus-themed Japanese band called the Candy Spooky Theater. Not only is Jack a pretty little sucker, but he sports a wild makeup job that I want to try one day when I have the excuse to do so.

In typical Japanese fashion, nothing is done halfway.

Anyway, Google this dude or something. About the Candy Spooky Theater itself...I'm nots ure what to think of it. It's not quite my cup of tea. I've found one or two Japanese bands that I kind of like, but in general, J-rock tends to be a little...Hot Topic-y? Or something. I don't know. Like I said, I can't get into it. CST has a bouncy, horror-circus atmosphere that is kind of like Marilyn Manson meets Danny Elfman. I am a big fan of Elfman's. Manson, not so much. But you might get a kick out of 'em, so I have posted a video of one of their songs below.

THIS IS HALLOWEEN, MUTHAS.

Lastly, let's throw in some Sweeney Todd. Gotta love the super pale, hollow-eyed look of the two protagonists of Tim Burton's Sweeney production. This is a look that works for every-day wear, as long as you manage to not make yourself look too much like a crackhead.

Remember, children: Brown eye shadow is way better than black when going for a more naturally dead or sleep-deprived look. Subtle shades of purple can work, too.

Or: Like the crackhead look? GO RED!

Just so you young'ns remember, it's never good to straight up copy somebody's style or makeup (though I'd say that doing it with *some* movie characters isn't quite as bad). Can you copy it for practice purposes, though? Heck yes! Copying the masters is how you learn. As long as you keep it confined to the bathroom or cosplay and don't try to pass it off as your own, it's all good. And as long as you don't dress like the Crow. Please don't dress like the Crow. But you can certainly take inspiration from other people, and give their look your own twist.

 Hope you enjoyed. Y'all come back now, y'hear?

Z

Vampire (Movie) Weekend

That band is OK. I can't get into them. I think it's just because their name is disappointing. They don't sound vampirey at all! Bauhaus, plz.
This weekend must have been an unofficial vampire movie marathon for me, because I watched a vampire movie Thursday night, Friday night, and Saturday night. We already discussed Nosferatu, so let's talk about the other two.

Underworld: Awakening



Commin' to kick some major BUTT.

 Dude, I had never seen the Underworld movies before, and I feel I have been cheated of something glorious. I was never that much into vampires, and if I was, it was just the black-and-white Bela Lugosi types. And Twilight, but we don't talk about that. (SHH!)

Underworld had its problems for sure. Like *SPOILERS* I'm pretty sure I would remember getting pregnant, even if I was sedated *END SPOILERS* and there were a few other plot-points that I found to be headscratchers. But there are three things in this world that I love that can make up for a lack of logic: Cheesey, over the top in-yo-face badassery, sci-fi/fantasy, and leather and latex (so I guess that's four things. Five things?). The Underworld movie had said goodness in frigging ABUNDANCE. Dude, I want to marry Selene now. She is a real man.

One thing that really bothered me though, was that scene where Selene was interrogating the guy. He gives her what she wants, but she totally shuts him down and kills him anyway. Harsh, much? I guess if I was stuffed in an ice-box with no idea what had been done to my husband, I would be mad, too. But still. As misanthropic as I can be toward my own kind, I still have a soft spot for my fellow humans. I mean, we've been through so much together...

Through it all, though, the problems in Awakening weren't so glaring that they took away from the awesomeness of the movie. It was violent. It was badass. It was exciting. It was badass. It was cool, and did I mention it was badass? If any other fans of the franchise hate this movie, keep in mind that I am an Underworld virgin, so I have nothing to compare it to. For what it was, it was highly enjoyable. It may have helped that I went to see it with a couple of dudes, too. And it's been a long time since I saw such a charasmatic lead in a recent action movie. Kate Beckinsale wasn't much in the way of personality, but she was just so...BADASS. My goodness. Slow-mo time.

Things I learned from Underworld: Awakening
1. Werewolves never have good CGI.
2. But they are still scary as five-year-old leftover chicken enchiladas. Well, not that scary.
3. We will have world peace when the vampires are exposed. Except no, we won't, because we'll be fighting the vampires.
4. All vampires and werewolves have British accents. Except the ones from "Twilight" and Bela Lugosi. And like I said, we aren't mentioning the "T" word.
5. Once you are a vampire, you are required by vampire law to wear leather, PVC, or latex, under pain of death.

My Movie Snob rating: ***1/2
My personal rating: ****


Interview With the Vampire

Please don't take my goth card. I had never seen this movie before, OK? Like I said, I'm not vampire-obsessive. I prefer elves and faeries. Lord of the Rings is my thing, yo. And Phantom of the Opera. Love me some Phantom. I actually never had a cow over the fact that some Mormon chick wrote some books about sparkling vampires. But never mind that. On to the review.

This movie. I know it's a good movie when my movie-snob self and my movie-snob sister turn off the TV, stare at the black screen for a while, turn to stare at eachother, and then proceed to wig out about the movie for the next 24 hours. This was one of those movies that you continue to think about and continue to WANT to think about through the next day.

It helped that it included a lot of bootyful mens in the cast.
But I digress.

I liked how this movie portrayed vampires in a sympathetic light, but it didn't really excuse their monstrosity. It wasn't like Twilight, which goes like, "Oh, the poor vampires! They just tryin' to do what's right!" The Ricepires are bad and they know it. They also enjoy it. And it wasn't like Dracula, which goes like, "I don't drink Vine because I am a souless bloodthirsty critter!" The tragedy (and horror) of Interview was that these vampires are SO human.

From my perspective as a Christian, it's kind of a glimpse of what humans really are. I am of the belief that humans are not basically good. Interview With the Vampire is one of the best and most tragic illustrations of a Godless, empty, sinful humanity that I have ever seen on film. Ironic that it was about fictional monsters.

First off, the acting is awesome. I'm a huge Brad Pitt fan, though I'm more a fan of his acting than his looks. He's too jockish for my tastes, but he IS purdy. Louis wasn't my favorite character in the movie, though, even though I did like and empathize with him. But he was more of the straight man of the cast. He's kind of the only sane man in his little vampire family, and is heavily burdened by an active conscience. Unlike a certain sparkly vamp, though, Louis can't control his instincts.

Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?

Tom Cruise as Lestat is either loveably vile or hatefully awesome. Lestat is sexy, ambiguously (or not so ambiguously) flaming, and a magnificent douche. He's a jerk, he manipulates, he intimidates, and he acts very much like an emotionally abusive boyfriend. But he's lonely and bored and doing his darndest to convince himself life is worth living for the rest of eternity. He parties hardy and doesn't let anybody get in the way. And he has little patience for whining. Did I mention he's sexy? I like Tom Cruise as a blond.

All I can say about Kirsten Dunst as Claudia is...Geeze, what happened between Interview and the Spiderman movies? She's both freakish and sympathetic as an eternal little girl. Child actors are usually no fun, but Kirsten holds her own with the two older guys, and does a great job at being a convincing baby vampire. She's just as interesting as Louis or Lestat. Though seriously, Claudia. Growing up is overrated. So are boobs.

A contributing reason for the Spidey remake.

The biggest gripe I have about Interview is that I wish they gave a clearer explanation on how you kill Ricepires. The only sure way that I saw was the sunlight method (saaaaaaad sceeeeene). later in the movie, Louis kills some vamps with fire, but that didn't seem to work too well the first time he tried it(!). And can you really kill them by chopping them up? How much do you have to chop them up? And why do they have to sleep in coffins? The sound was terrible on my copy of the movie, so I may have missed something.

All in all, I think Interview with the Vampire is a new favorite movie of mine. It's scary, it's sad, it's sometimes quite funny, it has some great character developement, and it makes a lasting impression. The ending is quite awesome as well. My sister and I were laughing and "DUUUUDE"-ing as the credits rolled. It's a good movie, if depressing as heck, but it's quite a worthy addition to my stack of macabre films.

Things I learned from Interview with the Vampire
1. Tom Cruise as Lestat is even sexy as a rotting corpse that's been stuck in a swamp for years. Kind of disturbing.
2. Anne Rice is friggin' EVIL to her characters.
3. Kirsten Dunst is a good actress after all.
4. Puss'n Boots is a vampire. I knew it all along.
5. You can kill Ricepires with fire. ...Or can you?!

My Movie Snob rating: ****1/2
My personal rating: ****1/2

Gaw, sorry about the mile-long post, guys.
Z

Gothy Incognito

Yesterday I had to go out while keeping a lower profile. The aliens are still out there, doncha know. So I went in disguise! This is advised when you have to visit snooty relatives or acquaintances that you don't want to annoy, are putting in job applications, or when you just don't feel like going to the effort of getting pimped out in all your gothy glory. This is normal and perfectly acceptable, and your Goth Card will not be revoked, because it happens to everyone.

Whenever I dress less ostentatiously, I feel like I'm in disguise. I don't lose my hipstery-artiste vibe, but I feel less awesome. However I liked my outfit yesterday. I might wear it again sometime, but with more personal touches. Also, my eye-makeup gives me away. No Mata Hari here, I'm afraid.

Oh, dear. Z is off her meds again. I really, REALLY need a haircut. This is getting ridiculous. Beware, children. If you have a deathhawk, you need to maintain it. Otherwise, it could end up flopping over, growing out, and looking like this. Let that be a lesson to you all.

I was basically wearing a black tank, a grey and white stripey button-up, and some nicely-fitted boot cut jeans stuffed up into my baby combat boots. Plus accessories. I like to stuff my non-skinny jeans into my boots. It gives off kind of a punky militaristic vibe.

My baby combat boots. Ain't they purdy? I wear these when I want something more understated than my giant stompy ones. Also, much love for the old-fashioned bicycle necklace. Check out Forever 21 sometime, because they often have adorable jewelry like this. And it's CHEAP! Anyway, if you're going out disguised as an under-the-radar hipster punk hobo, be sure to add something that at least alludes to the fact that you were once a cute, happy person. Otherwise you might scare people.

Here I am pretending I am a heroine in a 1950's Biblical epic. I lurv my scarf. I wasn't much of a scarf person before, but lately I've been finding more and more uses for them. I may have to collect more.

I'm just a holy fool, oh baby it's so cruel.
Anywho, I promise that the next time I blather on and on about an outfit, it will be much more exciting. Or a little more exciting. Thanks for reading, my lovelies!

Z

Take Two and Nosferatu!

Nggh, I figured this would happen. I've tried numerous times to start a blog, but like I said, I think I'm ADD. No, seriously. I just don't want to be diagnosed with more crap, so I don't ask my doctor about it. I can deal with ADD!

Phoo, I probably offended some people, there.

Anyway.

Where have I been? HIDING! The aliens found me, and so I've taken to setting up a bomb shelter and hiding in it so they won't find me again. I don't think they want to probe me or anything, but they keep saying something about "Miley Cyrus," so I figure whatever they want can't be good. But what I really want to talk about is...

a. Hey, I renamed my blog! I figured if I narrowed it down too much, I wouldn't want to do it. So it's not just about fashion anymore, though I'm sure that will come up plenty of times because I'm a fashionaholic. If that's not a word, it is now.

b. Nosferatu! I just watched it last night. Well, I finished it last night anyway. I started it a week ago, but I fell asleep. Not because I thought it was boring, but because for some reason, my lack of sleep caught up with me. What? I sleep four to five hours a night! How could I be tired? *Looks like a panda because of dark circles* I just don't get the importance of this thing called "sleep." Whaaaat.


Nosferatu, a 1922 silent film, was not as creepy as I was hoping, but it was nevertheless quite enjoyable. It featured Max Shreck as a eerie, emaciated, giant-schnozzed, pointy eared vampire known as Count Orlok. The film was obviously based on Bram Stoker's Dracula, but the names were changed to protect the innocent and other liberties were taken with the story.

It's a German movie, so it's loaded with atmosphere and creepy shadowplay. Shreck is also insanely creepy-looking as Orlok. I take my hat off to the guy for being able to function at all under that makeup job. Get a load of this, though if you are a self-respecting vampire fan at all, I'm sure you'll recognize him.

Isn't he cute? I love his hands. I wish I could grow my fingernails out like that. He kind of reminds me of a less-disturbing Anna Varney, her talent and awesome weirdness aside.

Despite the good things about it, there were still some things about this movie that bugged me, or that I didn't find quite as impressive. First off, it's one of those horror movies where the creature moves very, very sloooowwwwly. I wouldn't find this bad in itself, but the protagonists never make a huge effort to get away. They throw their hands up over their forehead in a dramatic fashion and swoon and act terrified, but the vampire just keeps coming.

And coming.

And coming.

Dude, did I just see a turtle run by?

And coming.

OK, to be fair, maybe the monster had a hypnotic gaze or something. That was one of Dracula's original powers, right? But still. That kind of thing in horror movies gets old, but since this is an early horror film, I give it a pass. Maybe back then it was suspenseful.

Second issue: Wow, the protagonists were limp biscuits. I can understand being freaked out by something that looks like Count Orlok, but man, these guys would swoon and pass out over everything! It's common for silent movie characters to over-exagerate, but I got the impression these guys would screech and faint at the sight of my dog, too.

Horrifying. I'm sorry if I made any of you throw up or anything like that. But yeah, the constant swooning and all was actually kind of funny, but didn't help the scariness.

Then there was the last thing that I found annoying, though this time it wasn't the fault of the original movie. The music was bizarre. Being a silent movie, it had a musical score that was added later. I don't know when it was added or who wrote it, but it started out harmless enough. It began as creepy synthesized organ music, sometimes with the use of chimes or glokenshpiel (orhoweveryouspellthat) that were used to good effect. Unfortunately, most of the time it just sounded like some hipster got ahold of a keyboard and thought he was doing something really progressive and original. Which usually translates to a lot of irritating noise. Sometimes it really ruined the mood. If they'd kept it low-key, it would have been quite nice. I kept fantasizing about what it would sound like with a bunch of Blutengel songs added in instead. Then again, maybe not.

Goth music is never silly. Nuh-uh. Nope. (I LOVE BLUTENGEL!!!)
All in all, I think Bela Lugosi made the creepier Dracula, but if you're a fan of vampires or old horror flicks, check out Nosferatu sometime. It's a lot of fun and though it can be slow sometimes, it's a fascinating glimpse into another time. Max Shreck makes a great vampire, and gloomy German silent movies always make an interesting watch.

Thanks for reading, my lovelies!
Z